Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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