3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Randomize
