you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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