Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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