people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
