So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
