Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
