I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
