Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
