I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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