Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
