it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
