he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
