I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
