I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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