just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
