I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
