My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I will die if light touches me.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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