your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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