i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
