she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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