What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
