TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
