Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
