How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
