I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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