You work out of a Hotel?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
