I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
