look no pants
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
