He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
