He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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