yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
