Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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