then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
