Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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