You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
