I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
