Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
