Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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