My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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