after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
