I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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