I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we have officially lost it.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
