I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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