I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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