SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
