I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
