I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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