dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
