we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
